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posted by: tab on: April 12th 2006 05:50 pm

A girl's kit could look tight on the outside. She could have her hair all shiny and her nails all fresh. She can have some dope Marc Jacobs pumps (yes the ones with the chunky heels) and sweet Chloe shorts with a cute little shirt she bought in Paris. She can be oozing sexiness and attract all the boys and make all the girls jealous…but when it comes down to it, if your WHOLE setup ain't straight, what's the point of even trying? I'm talking about a literal “freshness", and believe you me, not a lot of girls have it. Some bitches just stink. Let's cover the BARE essentials, shall we?

HAIR: There's nothing better then naturally perfect hair, but we're not all perfect, are we? Well that's why there is Bumble and Bumble and Fredrick Fakai. And for all you bum bitches there is…um let's see…oh yeah there is Rite Aid pharmacy. You can buy a bottle of bleach or something. Yes the MOB Crew only get shit done at the finest. When it comes to this kind of shit you can't half step! A major hair don't – Weaves! God, is there anything worse then making out with a chick, and your hands are all in her hair and the next thing you know, her hair is IN your hand? Weaves are wack, and I don't find them to be a good look on anyone (not even you BEYONCE). Extensions! They aren't as bad as weaves, but they still look pretty bad in our book. They are only fun to kick down the hallway at school when they fall out of girls' heads.Sadly, we don't only have hair on our heads! Black girls and Latino girls get the worst problems when it comes to hairy bodies, as I'm sure most people know. Hairy arms aren't that bad, Hairy legs you can just shave or wax, and Hairy backs/stomachs, those need to get bleached! Then there are the $6 dollar lip/eyebrow waxes you can get from the Korean ladies down the block. Or the $40 ones from the Chinese ladies at Christine Chin.Don't forget, the most important place to keep proper. Yes you got it right. Your pubic area. Rule number one…and I'm sure a lot of girls out there would argue with me on this one, but, NO SHAVING! Seriously, stop that shit! It grows in the next day, is painful, usually VERY ugly looking, and you cant shave it for like another week because its at an awkward growing stage. Razors are for your legs and armpits and your boyfriends face, not your crotch. At the very least, use a razor on your bikini area when your next appointment with HOLGA is too many days away. BRAZILIAN'S (everything goes – butt crack too ) are just in our opinion what's best. The process, although uncomfortable and usually quite painful, is quick and leaves you feeling like you're on top of the world. It's VERY important to find a place you feel comfortable getting waxed in. Polish spa's and dirty nail salons are seriously a no-go unless you're used to it and don't give a fuck if some nasty old bitch is dropping egg noodles on your cooch. Our very strong recommendation? BARNEYS NY! It doesn't matter if you're an hour early for your appointment either because you have floor upon floor of materialized happiness before you. The girl who takes care of the MOB ladies is so dope and funny and comfortable to be around that it feels like you're just going to BARNEYS to talk shit with a friend. Not to mention, she's a pro, so your $68 dollars isn't going in the garbage.

SKIN: Some people have skin problems, it's inevitable. But certain things make it worse! So stop eating so much junk and shoving toxins in your body! Most of the girls I know are crazy and live extremely toxic lives, so that leaves us with the power of products. “Love is a reaction to some soft skin" – really, it is. You could be talking to a guy that wasn't really into you, and he'd just happen to put his hand on your face and shit was so silky he would suddenly forget his name and move with you to BALI. CHANEL has really amazing shimmery skin oil, but as far as lotion goes, that shit stinks like old lady and irritates skin even more. We find FRESH to have the best products; sake bath wash anyone? If you often find yourself going to sleep with bloodshot eyes at 5 am and waking up at 10 for work, then a few necessary tricks are in order. As soon as you wake up, after your eye-drops, pop some spoons into the freezer. After applying toner, face scrub, and then a little CHANEL hydra-gel, stick the spoons under your eye sockets. It makes the cells go crazy so that your eyes stop sagging and puff into shape. It's always a good idea to put sun screen on. That is the most effective way to keep your skin looking great forever. The rest of your body deserves love too. Firming cream, Skin repair cream for your breasts so they don't turn into melons by the time you're 30, oil so you're not mad ashy, and vitamins are all helpful in the preservation of a youthful body. TALCUM powder (best shit ever) is really good for your booty and crotch if you like feeling and smelling like a baby.

NAILS: Tips have come back in the hipster scene (thanks to MOB of course) and hey, we don't blame you, it's a dope look. Ghetto girls use it as an escape for feelings and energy since they can't buy all the dope bling and clothes they want. A bitches nails will tell you a lot about her. But come on now ladies, DON'T KILL IT! It's like a song you love so much, you listen to it back to back for like 3 days, and then you're like “god, this is the worst shit ever, I never wanna hear it again". However, being the trendsetters we are, we are of the first New Yorkers to know about Japans acrylic madness. Our home girl does an unbelievably cheap home service that usually takes about 5 hours. She can sculpt/airbrush/glue/paint anything you can think of on your fingertips. She doesn't really speak English, but that's okay!

In our eyes, we've covered some of the most important topics on how to stay “fresh". The most important thing however, is that, although we give men a lot of mention in this (trying to keep them happy and trap them with your flyness) being clean and smelling good and all that should be something that pleases you above everything. When a girl is feeling really dope and taken care of that is going to make her feel confident and comfortable with herself. And THAT is what's gonna attract men to you in the first place. When you know you've got it going on, it doesn't matter if a dude is hugging you in bed at night, or if it's just you reading magazines and drinking chocolate milk thinking “sorry males, I'm not going out tonight".

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