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posted by: tab on: December 12th 2006 05:37 pm


- Wear fur with nothing underneath
- Buy yourself (or get your man to) a set from agent provocateur and wear it with knee high boots (patent, vinyl, or leather) to keep your legs warm. If you're really on some cat woman type shit go all out with the thigh highs. Meow…
- Rock knee high socks to bed. Add a lollipop and some bratty attitude and voila! Instant Lolita! (Not that you could out-do me in any way.)
- Keep your appointments with Maria over at your waxing joint regular. Nothing worse then an ashy hairy winter leg…or any other hairy ashy part for that matter.
- If you're not going on vacation, dip out for a weekend to the best tanning salon you can find and re-appear Sunkist. Don't go for orange, go for caramel.
- After your morning shower and before the application of clothing, pop some mango body butter (cocoa or raspberry would be lovely too) in the microwave for 30 seconds. Rub that shit all over yourself. Explanations not needed.
- Wear your hair down. I see girls in the winter with their hair in a pony tail, and its like…why? A) I know you're neck is cold B) nothing is as attractive as a long curtain of hair hanging over your shoulders when you're sitting naked on a bear rug in front of a fireplace.
- Don't over-tweeze! A cold face with no eyebrows on it is disgusting. Let them shits grown in a bit to give you that French man eater look.
- Listen to more hip-hop. Fuck exercising in the snow. Blast “blow the whistle" every morning when you wake up and dance around with your highest heels on until your thighs hurt.
- Watch “Food Network". If you have a special man sleeping over and you're heat is fucked up or there's no hot water, the least you can do is make him maple butter pancakes or bacon and eggs. If the hot water is on and the stove is too, then you're about to get wifed up.
- Learn how to give a massage. I'm telling you…no guy will suck his teeth at you while your sitting on his back pulling the skin on his neck. Don't be scared to use your nails and knuckles.
- Don't wear Ugg Boots, ‘nuff said.

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